


Memories

by PencilsDown



Series: Life on Earth [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Motherhood, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:53:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26834746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PencilsDown/pseuds/PencilsDown
Summary: Takes place in the same universe as Transcendence is Boring. This is like a prequel to that story, only with a lot more angst and family interactions as well as more character viewpoints.Octavia remembered how it felt to emerge from fluorescent underground lighting after 6 years to be met by the merciless natural light of the sun. She was blinded temporarily, using her arm to try and desperately shield her eyes from the offensive burning in her retinas. Everything was dark, patchy, and just painful.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Madi, Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes, Echo & Emori (the 100), Echo & Raven Reyes, Emori & John Murphy (The 100), Emori & Madi (The 100), Emori & Raven Reyes, Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller, Hope Diyoza & Jordan Jasper Green, Madi & John Murphy (The 100), Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin
Series: Life on Earth [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964974
Comments: 7
Kudos: 21





	Memories

Octavia remembered how it felt to emerge from fluorescent underground lighting after 6 years to be met by the merciless natural light of the sun. She was blinded temporarily, using her arm to try and desperately shield her eyes from the offensive burning in her retinas. Everything was dark, patchy, and just painful. 

She didn’t remember it hurting the first time around. She remembered squinting into the light as the dropship door lowered, but they had landed into a forest of protective greenery full of color and fresh air everywhere they turned. Not a grey wasteland full of ruins and air so thick and dry that it hurt to breathe as the sun beat down on her relentlessly.

Thinking of Bellamy, the Bellamy who had been her big brother, was like opening that dropship door for the first time and being the first sky girl to set foot on the ground in a hundred years. It was one of her best, most vivid memories. Just like the memories of how weightless she felt as she floated about their room on her big brother’s back. Just like the memories of the changes in pitch his voice would make as he whispered stories to her well past her bedtime. She could feel everything there was to touch; her mind could still trick each of her senses into placing herself back in those moments when she closed her eyes and drifted away.

Thinking of Bellamy, Disciple Blake, was like emerging from the bunker as Blodreina. The memories were overwhelming and outright painful – just like looking directly into the sun at its brightest point. She understood transcendence. She understood that Bellamy was right, in a way. She just couldn’t think about it directly because of how the pain jolted through her body at those particular memories. Yes, transcendence was real, but so was the M-Cap chair. So were the methods used by Cadogan and his cult following in their so-called quest to save mankind.

She knew that Bellamy believed in transcendence and that he was right. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he believed in Cadogan, and Cadogan, in all his deluded hypocrisy, preached that individuals were disposable so long as the end goal for the whole was reached. The oversimplification that her brother died for his beliefs felt like gasping for air in the dead wasteland all over again. Octavia knew her brother was right about transcendence, but she also knew that Clarke was right about Cadogan. 

Bellamy believed in Cadogan, the man who strapped little girls to chairs used to fry their brains and then left them there alone once he got what he’d been after. Octavia understood Bellamy’s belief in transcendence, but she understood Clarke’s belief in the danger Cadogan and his followers presented. In fact, she understood that fear more than her brother’s need to become a ball of light. She understood his need for peace but didn’t agree with his methods of achieving that peace. What she understood and agreed with was protecting a little girl you’ve spent years raising from men who saw the child as just another means to an end.

Yes, Octavia understood and even agreed with what Clarke did. Just like she understood that the sun provided warmth and needed light. She also knew that thinking about Bellamy being gone, truly gone, was like looking directly at the sun for too long. It overwhelmed her senses momentarily and left her temporarily disoriented from the shock. She didn’t know if there’d ever come a time where she could think about Bellamy and not feel her throat constrict, even if it was just for a second. What she did know was that she couldn’t live the rest of her life being haunted by what used to be – what could’ve been. 

-

It had been Gaia’s idea to take a moment to process what they lost – who they lost – and just try to digest everything that had happened. In all her infinite spiritual wisdom, she had suggested that once the relief wore off, which she knew it would sooner rather than later, that the group may be left reeling from everything that had transpired over the last day. 

While they were back home, she said, she also reminded them that they were the last of the human race, for good this time, and ever-so-gently implied that some significant choices were made while even heavier losses still loomed. Her eyes landed on Clarke when she mentioned losses, but Clarke had been staring at the fire, unmoving, not even blinking, since Gaia had started her speech.

“There’s no one after us. There’s nothing urgent that needs attending. There’s just the group of us, what’s left of the human race, here together for the rest of our days. We don’t need to worry about plotting our next move or strategizing right now. We need to take a moment to process everything – to grieve – so that cooler heads may prevail going forward.” Gaia had continued her speech, her eyes settling on each member of the group as she spoke. Only Jordan, Levitt, and Niylah had met her gaze. The others seemed to be trying to look anywhere but her direction. Murphy even looked indignant, but that wasn’t entirely surprising.

“Look, not that I don’t appreciate all of your ‘Rah, Rah, Sis, Boom, Bah,’ crap about feelings and all of that, but do any of us look like we want to talk about losses right now? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, we’d like a second to catch our goddamn breath before we start the group therapy sessions?” Murphy wasn’t indignant – he was tired. He was irritated. Scratch that; he was downright pissed. The last thing he wanted to think about was more loss after he’d just gotten Emori back and returned to earth. 

“She’s got a point, Murphy.” Raven stood as she spoke, finally peeling her eyes away from her brace that she’d been fiddling with. “I don’t really want to talk about it either, but we’re going to have to face facts at some point. Might as well get it out of the way now so we can start to move on. I, for one, don’t want to waste this second chance.”

The conviction in Raven’s voice and the steel in her gaze caught Gaia, and Murphy, if he was being honest, off guard. Raven knew loss; she knew suffering and pain. Now she knew sacrifice and the true cost of making the hard decisions. She knew the price she paid with her soul, and she didn’t want to be haunted by that for the rest of her life. She didn’t want to look around and see everyone who wasn’t there. She wanted to be able to focus on the faces who were.

“I think we should all be able to choose how and when we grieve. We should be in control of what we feel or if we even grieve at all.” Echo was pacing back and forth in front of the rock she’d claimed as her seat by the shore. She had been listening intently and was only becoming more agitated by the added input. She knew the danger of grief, of memories. She bore scars on her face as a constant reminder. She felt the desperation all over again when she closed her eyes and saw herself standing in front of Bardo’s water source, ready to wipe out another civilization. 

“I agree with Echo,” Niylah slurred. The two women had become fast friends since their moment in the bunker. Niylah had grabbed her beloved bottle from the bunker and cracked it open the second after they were all reunited with Clarke on the beach. Niylah wasn’t feeling any great loss at the moment – she honestly hadn’t felt much of anything since her father died, but she felt compelled to stand by her friend, for Azgeda, of course, and her mother’s memory. 

Jackson and Miller just kept their heads down as they had their arms around one another. They could see both sides here, but they didn’t feel like partaking in what could turn into yet another fight. They were just content being on the beach together for an evening. If the others wanted to hash everything out, they would try and just take it all in while remaining as neutral as possible. That was their unspoken game plan as they glanced at each other, at least. 

“I think there’s some middle ground between what Raven and Echo said.” Emori had become so wise and ever the diplomat since taking on the role of Kaylee Prime. Murphy was grateful that she finally had the confidence to embrace being someone she always wanted to be – someone who belonged and felt like her opinion mattered, because it did. It always did to him. Besides, it was sexy as hell. 

Murphy couldn’t help but smirk at Emori as she continued. “Whoever has something to say should say it. If there’s something you need to get off your chest, memories someone wants to share…just do it. If you don’t feel comfortable, just be here to listen. Who knows, maybe someone else will voice something another one of us has been feeling or shares a memory that we can all relate to.” Emori finished with a shrug as her head moved around the group, trying to reach out to each person in an act of encouragement. All Murphy wanted to do was rip her pants off and jump her bones right then and there, but he didn’t think that was what she was trying to encourage in the moment. Shame. 

“My parents used to tell stories about all of your adventures. All of you were legends in your own kind of way. I didn’t get to meet everyone from their stories, like the man whose name I inherited, but I am grateful to have met all of you.” Jordan was the voice of reason – the rational guy who was a genuinely kind soul – a perfect mixture of his parents.

“It’s like a childhood dream come true, in a way. I was raised on stories of all of you with my parents, but now I have stories of my own with all of you. I have my own adventures with you. In a way, it feels like I’m keeping their memory alive by being with you all. I never really got to say goodbye to them in a way that felt permanent but being with you all makes me feel like they’re not truly gone. That might not make any sense, but it sounded good in my head.” Hope snorted as Jordan finished his tribute to those around him. Jordan just smiled at her and stared like he’d just won the lottery. I guess making Hope smile was a personal victory for him every time.

“I don’t know how I’m going to follow that, but I guess I could say ditto?” Octavia chuckled at Hope’s words as some others in the group cracked a smile before the girl continued. “Auntie O told me all kinds of stories,” Hope smiled at Octavia before she went on, “I’d always imagined myself as a warrior. I wanted it more than anything when I was little. But after my mom sacrificed herself to save us – to save me – I couldn’t imagine a better ending than where we all are right now. I know she’d be proud, wherever she is.” 

Hope couldn’t help the tears that snuck from her eyes at the mention of her mom, but the loss stung a little less knowing that she earned the sacrifice. That her mom would approve the way Jordan’s parents would have.

Octavia had been touched by what everyone was saying, but the tears didn’t come until Hope’s tears fell at the mention of Diyoza. Octavia had lost more than one sibling over the last week. The years she spent with Diyoza and Hope were every bit as memorable as the years she’d spent under the floor with Bellamy and their mother. In fact, the years with Diyoza and their little girl had an even greater impact on Octavia than anything else she’d ever experienced. She found herself. She found peace, happiness, friendship, and learned the unconditional love of a child.

She felt compelled to share some of these thoughts just like Jordan and Hope had. “I lost two siblings recently – a brother and a sister. My brother was gone before his body was, but I’ll never forget who he was and everything he did for me before Cadogan.”

Echo’s pacing had lengthened and quickened the moment Octavia mentioned Bellamy. She felt her eyes close and her shoulders tense as she had her back turned from the group. The former spy took a deep breath and stopped her pacing as she tried to swallow down the lump she felt in her throat as Octavia kept talking.  
“I can almost cut my life into two parts: the first part where my big brother saved me and was always there. Then there was Diyoza, who was my sister in every meaning of the word, who was by my side during my path to redemption after the bunker.”

“I lost them both in a matter of days, but I know that Bellamy, the Bellamy we all knew and loved, would be so proud of his baby sister right now. I know that Diyoza would also be proud of me, and especially of Hope,” Octavia took the time to take in her niece again with a gentle smile that Hope returned.  
“I know that a lot has happened – a lot has changed – over these last several days, but I think that acknowledging the ones we lost is the only way to celebrate the lives we can have going forward,” Octavia finished with a meaningful look towards Echo, who had finally turned to face the group again, and then chanced a glance at Clarke, who remained still as stone despite her glassy eyes.

“Blowing that motherfucker to kingdom come was something I should’ve done a long time ago,” Indra knew she’d drop some jaws with that statement, and she didn’t have to look up from the stick she’d been sharpening to hear the gasps of shock at her words.

“A lot of people would’ve been spared had I ended his life a long time ago but dwelling on that fact won’t change what happened. It also won’t take away how good it felt to let him know that he was dying for my mother’s honor before being blown to bits.”

The Trikru warrior was no longer dressed like a warrior. For the first time anyone, including her own daughter, could remember, Indra was dressed in casual attire. Dark jeans, a dark shirt, and a jacket – yes, a jacket. No sword by her side. No gun in either hand. No formalities of a warrior or that of a clan elder. Just a woman who was a part of this mismatched, but fiercely loyal, family.

Everyone’s shock over Indra’s colorful choice of words was beginning to wear off as they all smiled, Murphy was hunched over in laughter, at this new side of Indra. A side that was able to emerge now that there were no more wars to be fought. She could finally mourn the dead, or celebrate her greatest kill, in her case.

There was a sadness to Raven’s smile at Indra’s words. She had to clear her throat before speaking in fear that her voice just may crack if she didn’t. “And here I was thinking of all the people I’ve killed, wishing there could be any way for me to take it back.”

Everyone instantly sobered at those words. Most of them knew of the guilt Raven harbored, but they didn’t realize how much it still haunted her. Echo was the one to approach Raven and grab her hands in her own as she stooped down ever so slightly to catch her friend’s downcast eyes.

“When you look at me, what do you see?” Raven’s head snapped up to look at Echo with several questions on her face as her eyes darted back and forth between Echo’s own.

“I – I don’t…” Raven struggled as Echo cut her off.

“What do you see when you look at me, Raven? Do you see an Azgedan spy who’s killed people to follow orders? Do you see the woman who organized the bombing of the Mountain, killing dozens of your friends and almost killing you in the process? Do you see the Echo who was standing over a water supply, ready to eliminate an entire civilization for taking her love away from her?” Echo’s grasp on Raven’s hands became almost desperate as she rattled off each question.

Raven was almost too stunned to form a coherent response but quickly recovered as she felt Echo’s hands tighten. “No! No, Echo, you know that I see my sister when I look at you! I see the woman who became a part of my family after spending 6 years in space. I see someone full of so much love and loyalty and fire who would do anything for the people she loves.”

Echo smiled as Raven finished, “Guess what? The woman you see also did all the things I listed, yet you still see me in the best way possible. That’s the same way we all see you. We see you for all of the amazing things you’ve done – for the incredible person you are – not for the things that haunt you.”

“You’re damn right,” Emori added with a fierceness that made Raven jump when she heard her speak. “You’re part of the glue that holds this family together. You’re one of the best of us, Raven. You always have been, and you always will be. In the end, you helped save everyone. That’s what matters. That’s what we see. That’s the way you deserve to see yourself now that everything is said and done.” Emori had moved to stand next to Echo as they both looked at the woman they considered their sister.

“I wasn’t phishing for compliments, guys,” Raven chuckled as she looked back towards the ground to try and conceal the tears of emotion pooling in her eyes.

“Too bad, Reyes, get used to it. That’s what we do now. We stand by each other and spew positive crap until the broken link is repaired. Get over it and get with the program,” Murphy added in his very Murphy-like eloquence. Raven was laughing as he finished his little tirade as were most of the others around the beach.

Then there was Clarke. Clarke who had yet to move; her gaze still unwavering as she stared at the fire. Levitt had nudged Octavia and whispered his concern for Clarke’s retinas in her near-catatonic state. Everyone kind of turned their eyes towards Clarke, but she didn’t seem to notice. If she did, she remained unbothered by the eyes on her and the ensuing silence.

Surprisingly enough, Indra was the one to shock everyone again by breaking the silence, “You know, I’d never seen a child like Madi before,” she started off in an easy tone as she went grabbed another stick to start sharpening.

“I had seen so many young seconds and child warriors throughout my life, but none of them quite compared to that child. No matter how scared she was, she was determined to help protect those she loved. I was lucky enough to witness her strength and bravery many times – the first being when we approached her with the Flame.”

That did it. Clarke’s breathing had become ragged and her eyes were dangerous as they locked on Indra and the tears flowed down her cheeks. Everyone was looking uncomfortable, but Indra just continued without looking up.

“She knew it was dangerous, and she was scared to death, but that didn’t stop her from agreeing to do what she thought she had to do to save her family. I got to witness that same bravery again when I was about to lose my life in solo gonplei. Sheidheda was about to finish the fight with my death, but Madi interfered, consequences be damned, and took his eye before he could take my life.” Indra’s eyes had started to glaze over, and she was having to take breaks towards the end to keep her voice from breaking.

Clarke had stood from her seat and walked a few feet away from the group to turn her back to them as Indra spoke. Yet again she felt like she couldn’t get enough air. She had closed her eyes so tight that it hurt, and her fists were clenched at her sides with her short nails digging into her palms. She tried to picture the ball of light she saw and repeat what not-Lexa had said about her daughter’s consciousness, but Indra’s story just continued to bleed through.

Murphy looked at Indra with his own tears gathered in his eyes before he squeezed Emori’s hand and shared his own memories of the little girl. “She was terrified of Sheidheda. When we found her after he confronted her, she ran to me and held on like her life depended on it. I can still feel her shaking against me as I held on to her just as tight. That kid had a way of worming her way into people’s hearts right away – kinda like someone else I know. She also had a way of pushing aside all her fear to help her friends and family. Again, just like someone else I know…”

Murphy stared at Clarke’s form as he could see her shaking violently before Emori continued with her own thoughts. “Like when the other kids watched Sheidheda slaughter their families in front of them, and Madi never gave in to her own fear. She just stood by their sides and comforted them as they went through their pain.”

Jackson had been intent on staying quiet, but this time he had to speak up, “Or when Luca was found and brought to you guys at the machine shop. I had brought rations of bread for the kids, knowing they had to be starving, but after I offered it to them, I heard Madi say that nobody eats until they all ate. She was the one to finally get Luca to eat.”

“She was the one who brought them all out of their trauma with a dog, her own experience, and a heart bigger than the sun,” Emori had taken over from Jackson again as Jackson’s voice had failed him after his last sentence. Emori’s own voice was starting to fail her as she felt her throat constrict as John squeezed her hand with tears running down his cheeks.

“Definitely Clarke Griffin’s kid through and through, that’s for sure. Putting it all on her own shoulders, fear be damned, to save her loved ones. We all know who that reminds us of.” Raven was the one to jump in this time, but the smile on the mechanic’s face was betrayed by the tear tracks heading towards her chin.

“She was never supposed to be like me – EVER.” Everyone jumped at the startling force behind Clarke’s statement.

“I told her stories all those years of you guys and The 100 and my mom and everything that was good. Everyone who was good. Madi was so pure and innocent. She knew right from wrong. She was my little moral compass encouraging me to do the right thing. She was EVERYTHING that I wasn’t. Everything that I couldn’t be anymore. She was supposed to be safe and mindful and careful with her own life. Everything I wasn’t. Everything I couldn’t be from the day they threw me in a God forsaken prison cell in one giant fucking metal prison.”

Clarke was screaming, but she didn’t care. She was gasping for air as she screamed, but she didn’t care. She knew she was unraveling before everyone’s eyes, but she really didn’t fucking care. The one thing she cared about more than she could ever care about anything was floating around somewhere because Clarke couldn’t keep her from being just like her in the end.

“She was the one thing, the one person, who meant more to me than any duty I’d ever had. Any duty to my people or my friends or just anything. I spent so many years preparing her to make sure she was safe – no matter what happened to me. I was the one who was supposed to be sacrificing myself for my friends, for her, because I knew she’d be okay. I knew she’d get to grow up and be safe and be loved somehow. But then because she ended up being just like me,” Clarke was literally spitting out most of her words like they were actual venom she was trying to expel from her throat, “she sacrificed herself to try and save everyone else. On her own. Just like me.”

And with that, Clarke had fallen to her knees and couldn’t get enough air to yell anymore. Octavia and Raven had made their way to either side of their friend as she just released gut wrenching cries that carried down the beach. Emori and Murphy had crouched down about a foot or so in front of Clarke and could only squeeze out more tears as Clarke’s screams of anguish made their way past them and out to the Earth.

Echo stood behind the group holding onto Niylah as they both cried at the sound of Clarke’s screams and the thought of their missing littlest member. Levitt stood by Jordan and Hope who were hugging one another through their own tears.

Jackson and Miller had gone about getting something to help Clarke breathe as she had been on the verge of hyperventilating during her speech.

Indra had thrown one sharpened stick into the fire after she’d sharpened it too aggressively in her anger. She stabbed one she’d carved earlier into the ground repeatedly as if Cadogan himself were laying before her feet. She stabbed in anger at the unfairness of it all.

Gaia had closed her eyes, sat in a pose meant for meditation. Not even she could clear her mind enough to drown out the cries of a broken-hearted mother, which resulted in Gaia’s own despair over the child bubbling to the surface. 

This went on until Clarke had finally worn her voice so raw that whenever she tried to scream, she would just end up gagging instead. Raven and Octavia still held tight to either side of her and rocked her in sync. Clarke’s breaths came in shallow pants, but it was better than gasping for air like she had been for the longest time. 

It wasn’t until Picasso came over and started to lick Clarke’s face that she startled her friends by letting out a genuine laugh of surprise at the dog’s actions. Raven and Octavia finally let go of the girl, who was also their sister, as they got up to rinse their faces and collect themselves the way the rest of the group was trying to do. 

Eventually Clarke crawled to the waterline following Picasso as the dog got a drink and Clarke washed her face. She took a moment to just breathe and take in her reflection pooling in the water. 

After about another 2 hours the group had eaten, and evening was approaching. Everyone was back to their tasks with Levitt and Octavia and their stories, Hope and Jordan with their jokes, Echo and Niylah with their dancing, Murphy and Emori with their more intimate dancing, Jackson and Miller in each other’s arms, Raven tinkering with her MP3 player, and Indra and Gaia taking a stroll down the beach to talk.

That left Clarke with Picasso, and the blonde ended up following the dog into the woods. The woods that lead her back to where the most important person in her entire universe was becoming reacquainted with her beloved pet on her way back to her mother. To her family.

**Author's Note:**

> I have another idea in mind that takes place post-series finale that I may write and post. I am absolutely 110% convinced that Madi returned to earth with a couple of friends and there's no convincing me otherwise. She was just a little late to the party because of internal conflict. We all know the kid went back to live with her family.
> 
> Hopefully you like this. I tried to give a bit of send off to some of our departed characters. I have an idea to mention more characters in the next story, so we shall see (maybe)!


End file.
